The Revenge of the Pineapples

So, the Jedward bandwagon marches on once more and I, for one, am over the moon at this.

Shows like the X-Factor, and Pop Idol before it, have been systematically churning out identikit pop stars for so long, that I can’t remember the last Christmas number 1 that wasn’t Cowell produced. The sole purpose these shows seem to serve is to pump out a happy-smiley retard to make a quick bit of cash and who will have dropped from public consciousness by Easter.

Jedward provide an antidote to this. Yes, they’re still smiling retards (possibly more so that any who have come before them) but they are not your average X-Factor finalists, let alone winners. They can’t sing, at least not by any semblance of professional standards, and they struggle to dance, particularly in time with one another. They can’t even jump through a paper barrier without almost falling over.

They have divided opinion and have shown the public as the spoilt cry babies they truly are. Boo-hoo, Jedward are through instead of some other non-entity. Boo-hoo, it’s not fair. That’s democracy my friends, read it and weep. If you don’t like it exercise your vote and do something about it, don’t bitch to me via your whiny Facebook status.

Now, it’s taken a while for me to actually start enjoying this years X-Factor and to be honest, if Jedward had not been involved I probably still wouldn’t care. I’m not ashamed to say that I tend to watch X-Factor every year. Not because I care about the acts, because I don’t. But because I love the auditions and anyone who says they don’t enjoy watching a bunch of deluded cats anuses make monumental tits of themselves is clearly lying. Two words; Onka Judge. If you don’t remember him, type those words into YouTube and see what comes up.

Once the auditions are over and the sensible business starts, the appeal starts to wear off. However, I am bound by my wife to watch until the bitter end. I’m not convinced, but she tells me it was part of our wedding vows. The saving grace is that there are usually two or three acts left who have something about them. The so called ‘X-Factor’ that the show promises. This can make the show a little more bearable and worth staying in for. However, this year I can’t even say that. I can’t say that there is anything other than bland acts left, and that has been the case since day one. No-one stands out. No-one is special. No-one except Jedward, and for all the wrong reasons. Not because they are so good, but because they are so bad. Do you think they would have got so far if there was actually any decent talent left in the competition? No. They have got this far because of the lack of any credible alternative.

The X-Factor’s appeal is starting to wane. The cracks are starting to show and the public have noticed. They are guilty of producing so many identical acts over the years that it has become stale and boring. Jedward are the antithesis to this. The shot of drugs in the ball-bag that we have been craving for. Love them or hate them they are the only act that anyone has been talking about this year. The only act that the average person in the street could name. And, I expect come April next year, the only act anyone will remember.

So hats off to the grinning buffoons. They’ve taken so much abuse this year, from the judges and public alike, that most other acts would have run home crying to their mums. But they haven’t complained. Not once. They’ve come back week after week for more. So as far as I’m concerned, they deserve any success they get.

And whether they go out next week or make it to the final, you can guarantee that revenge will be sweet as their version of Ice Ice Baby sails to the Christmas number 1 spot. Hurray for Jedward.