Parenthood and the Temple of Impending Doom

The trouble with becoming a new parent is that is it the first brand new thing you will do since, well probably since you started working. You have no idea what to expect. No experience to refer to. No silo of knowledge to draw upon. And this can be very, very daunting.

To make it worse you are relentlessly bombarded with the same phrase, usually from smug parents who have already successfully managed to raise a child or several without any signs of lasting trauma, visibly at least; “Don’t worry. It will all come naturally”. How exactly? How will dealing with a brand new baby come naturally? It’s hardly comparable with our other natural instincts like, say, walking. We all learnt to walk. That was easy. But the most serious consequence of getting that wrong is you get a cut knee that hurts for about three minutes. Actually, that can be pretty painful come to think of it, but temporary nonetheless. You get it wrong with a baby and the results could be catastrophic.

Your brain becomes your worst enemy and constantly dreams up ways that you can fail, and these thoughts hurtle round and round in your head all day until eventually they crash into each other causing your brain to implode in on itself in a shower of baby debris. How will I know when he needs feeding? How do I feed him? What if I can’t breastfeed? What if he is sick? How will I know whether to call a doctor? What if he has colic? What if I can’t stop him crying? What if I can’t stop crying? What about getting jabs? Is it safe? What if, what if, what if.

The other thing that doesn’t help is the lack of consistency from healthcare workers. You ask the same question to 5 different people, be it nurses, doctors, midwives, health visitors, pre-natal teachers, whoever, and I guarantee you will get 5 different answers.

It is easy to suffocate under the worry and stress that being an expectant parent can bring. But guess what? There’s no need for all this worry, because it really will come naturally. Seriously. I’ve done it. I’m one of those smug parents I mentioned earlier, and I remember people telling me the same thing then and dismissing it as some sort of post-natal hocus pocus. But weirdly it’s true. There really is some sort of secret hidden knowledge that you don’t even realise you have that mysteriously manifests when you have a baby.

So don’t worry. Enjoy your pregnancy while it lasts. Embrace the beauty that is impending motherhood safe in the knowledge that you really can’t go wrong. And even if you do, at least one of the raft of healthcare workers that you will be inevitably surrounded by will agree with you.